I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
