fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
