how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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