Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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