I hate your face
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
