I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
