Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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