Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
