Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
