i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
