I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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