Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize