Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
