brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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