he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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