I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
