I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They took my balls.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
