if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
