Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize