You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
