I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Someone shit on the floor
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
and you fell through a lawn chair
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