Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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