I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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