we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
