dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
