So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
