I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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