direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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