as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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