i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
