do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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