erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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