Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
