I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize