my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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