Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
