Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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