well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
