The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
