whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
