omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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