Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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