: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
