Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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