Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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