Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
