TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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