At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
