Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
