HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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