I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
