i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
