hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
