Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
