Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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