I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
