So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize