all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
