Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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