Why are handjobs necessary in class?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
