Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
