Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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