the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize