nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Let's get the cat blown out
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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