He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
