No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
farters have to be the big spoon...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
