On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
