Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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