Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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