1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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