i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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