just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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