I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
