No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
