I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
