Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Who died my cat blue again?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
