I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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