Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
