I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
