Jerry, you need to find god
I am midnight drunk by noon
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
