As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
