I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
